I’m currently sat in the garden writing to you. The sun is scorching, the bee’s are buzzing and for the first time in a while I’ve managed to find the time to sit down and actually write a blog post!
A lot has happened since I last spoke to you. I ate a cake back in January that looked like the ‘Bristol Stool Chart’ which tasted nicer than it looked 😂, went on a holiday that my Gran almost didn’t come to as she forgot her passport, got my cartilage pierced, chopped off most of my hair, ate more cake (that didn’t represent different types of poo 😂) and most importantly in my life, I got a job as a Health Care Assistant. And I couldn’t be more happier!
I’ve been a HCA for the last two and a half months and am loving every second of it! It’s challenging, hard and draining, but every second of that 12 hour shift is so worth it when you help a person in need.
I’m learning so many skills. The other day for example, a gentleman asked me if I could give him a shave. “Yes! Of course, not a problem Sir!” It was only when I was getting everything ready that I actually didn’t know how to shave a persons face 😬 😂 Luckily I was working with one of my awesome work colleagues (who of course was a man ) who gave me some tips and tricks and my first ever shave was a success!
I was expecting a few Meltdowns and Sensory Overloads to begin with, I had a bad one where I was doing some training in a class room for 8 hours. People tapping pencils, the computer screaming a high pitched buzz, people gossiping from other tables (and my table), the paperwork getting confusing and all the letters getting muddled up. I felt like I couldn’t breath. I had to leave the room and hide in a disabled toilet for 30 minutes just to let myself be, well Autistic! I must of walked and twirled around the toilet cubicle a hundred times until I actually calmed down.
When I had calmed myself down, I managed to go back to the class room. I was full of anxiety, wondering what people would think of me. As soon as I walked through the door everyone stared at me. I sat back down at my seat a lady opposite me starting talking.
“Are you alright?”
“Yes, thank you. Sorry.” I managed to choke out.
“Don’t be sorry, we are only human. We all know how you feel.”
At that point I got confused, wondering why they all looked sorry for me. Surely they don’t understand. Do they? It wasn’t until I looked at the board which read ‘End of Life Care.’
“It must be a very difficult time in your life.”
“Um.. you see.. I.. It’s not that.. Its not like that..” Just go along with it, save yourself from more embarrassment,“Um, thank you.”
I felt awful, I didn’t know at that moment in time whether to cry more or laugh! I walked out at the wrong moment, which of course led to people assuming that I walked out of class because we were discussing death. I didn’t even realise I had walked out on that topic, I was so overwhelmed with everything. I felt even more awkward and even more misunderstood. Everyone was lovely and kind, but assumed something different, something that made more sense. I went along with it to make it easier for them and less anxiety and stress for me.
Despite that awkward moment were everyone thought I had experienced a horrible death, my new job is amazing! There have obviously been a few hurdles and I know there will be plenty more on the way. But I know I can overcome them and know I’m going to be fine.
5 years ago, I never thought I would be doing something like this. I liked my old job, it was a stepping stone but I never felt the way I do now. I wake up in the morning buzzing for the day and end the day still on that energy (although some of my colleagues think I’m crazy!😂)
I feel like I now have a purpose. Yes, life is confusing, people are also confusing and maybe not everyone is going to understand me, but I’ve never felt more happier in my life. I feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to do, help people.
See you soon!